Interpersonal & Decision Discernment

Iv’e gone back and forth with the idea of sharing this news.

For the most part, I don’t want to use this medium for life updates..

Even despite kicking off the newsletter with Larsen Life Updates, the focus is and will always be on vocational alignment: integrating faith & work.

However, in this particular case, I found that the spiritual and emotional tensions were much like those that I’ve felt in a season of job instability, job searching, and vocational confusion.

What event would cause that kind of tension?

Here's a look at what's up ahead:

• If you’ve been following along.. 😏🏡

• Am I discerning in my decision-making?

• Seek to understand before being understood

• Getting to the heart-level: diagnostics

• Tying it all together: 6 habits of a discerning pe …

If you’ve been following along.. 😏🏡 

While anything could happen in this next week (there’s no contract signed), the photo gives it away..we’re buying a home in Connecticut!

As I’ve begun to share the news, I try and be mindful of the various dynamics surrounding this decision as well as the reactions of some.

So many seek to buy a home, but financially are unable to do so. We are very privileged to be in this position.

So many can scrutinize this as a poor investment, underscore the inherent risk, and say it’s not the right timing. I try to respect other viewpoints.

So many can judge the criteria with which we use to move our family and put down roots. I’m saddened by those relationships that now feel more distant.

As I’ve alluded to before, homes and jobs share many similar characteristics.

They are seen as our livelihood, a visible outpouring of our identity.

It’s true- where we live and what we do for work tell a lot about us.

But, it’s not life-defining. There’s a deeper level..

And, it’s okay to have dissenters..

Am I discerning in my decision-making?

In that first newsletter post, I wrote the following about the decision to move from Virginia down to Florida (albeit temporarily, while hinting at the potential move to CT):

This ‘big view’ of God is really wrapped around his lovingkindness or his hesed (חֶסֶד), which conveys a sense of permanence and steadfastness-a commitment that is unwavering and long-lasting. ‘He will not let your foot slip’; ‘He will never leave you nor forsake you’.

‘Trust[ing] God in faith’ also implies another attribute, which is fear.

But this is the good kind of fear, where we respond to His hesed in obedience and seek His wisdom.

Pastor Eric Saunders put it this way: ‘The weightiness of God guides decision making, not your gut’.

The AMP version of Pro 9:10 describes this reverent weight:

'The [reverent] fear of the Lord [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of wisdom [its starting point and its essence], And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding and spiritual insight.' Proverbs 9:10 AMP

Seek to understand before being understood

While we can be discerning in our decisions, this isn’t always the case coming from other well-intentioned people (even Christians). This is where spiritual/emotional tension can set in as we scramble to justify our choices.

Habit #5 from one of my favorite books “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey is more than just a nice saying or interpersonal listening tactic, since it is actually grounded in biblical principles (Pro 4:7).

When I think about unity in faith, it’s not necessarily wrong to probe someone’s decision-making, but you do it from a place of understanding- drawing on God’s wisdom. That means if/when you explore their motives, you do it with this type of wisdom, marked by:

• restraining words, with a cool spirit (Pro 17:27)

• being slow to anger (Pro 14:29)

• exercising discretion (Pro 2:11)

• not belittling (Pro 11:12)

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.' Proverbs 20:5 NIV. It’s pretty near impossible to elicit the heart’s motives by doing the opposite of the 4 bullets above..

There is a way to draw out the intentions of the heart, and a way not to:

'Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.’ Proverbs 18:2 NIV

I’ve acted-a-fool and done my fair share of opinion-airing, but it’s far more effective (and productive) to seek to discern someone’s heart posture.

Getting to the heart-level: diagnostics

There are practical ways to make Proverbs 20:5 a reality.

Again, these wisdom-driven diagnostics are critical in how I try to counsel/coach others vocationally, not just as I reflect on this home-buying process.

This approach is especially needed in today’s world of moral relativism, blurred situational ethics, and hyper-individualism/ self-interest.

[Shoutout to McLean Bible Church’s Equipped to Counsel (via Association of Biblical Counselors) course:

From the heart 💟 

To the thoughts 🧠, affections 🤗, actions 🏃‍♀️‍➡️

Tying it all together: 6 habits of a discerning person

We all would love to be batting 💯 as we discern a slew of decisions.

Each and every day we’re bombarded by choices, small and large.

[I happen to feel like this season is exclusively LARGE 😅]

How can we know how to choose what is good and right as opposed to what is bad and wrong? This is discernment.

Here is a checklist you can follow (swiped from Pastor Eric) of a discerning person who:

1. Fears God

   • Fear of God will send you to your Bible..turning up God's Word in your life while turning down other sources of input

   • Fear of God sends us to God's people- people who loves God's Word

2. Considers eternity

   • 2 Cor 4:17

   • Good decisions are made with the long haul in mind

3. Pursues truth

   • Jn 17:16- sanctify them in the truth

   • celebrate truth where we see it; call out evil where we see it

4. Observes fruit

   • Matt 7:15-20- every tree that does not bear fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire

   • Gleaning great teaching can be from afar, but fruit must be observed up close

5. Practices gratitude

   • 1 Th 5:16-18- not just good and bad choices; a good choice against a good choice

   • God's given you good options- go to God with Thanksgiving

   • God is not hiding his will for you

6. Makes Decisions

   • Phil 4:6-7

   • Peace is not a prerequisite for decision making; OBEDIENCE IS

I don’t feel any hesitation moving forward with this home purchase, even with some reservations.

Why?

Because I know the God I serve.

I’m acquainted with His hesed.

I follow Him with all my heart.

I praise his new mercies.

His face alone do I seek.

When I first mentioned some of the skepticism above, perhaps as a close Christian friend you would approach the news differently, asking something to the effect of:

How has your faith led you to this decision, or in what ways do you believe God may be leading you to purchase this home?

Now, that is certainly a deeper level of insight 😉 [I’m responding to inquiries, in case you were wondering!]

Let us seek to see God glorified, as we first turn to Him as the object our understanding.

May the favor of the Lord our God be upon you, to establish the work of your hands,

Trent